I never thought I would be single again. When I married my husband, I promised to keep my wedding vows when I agree to marry him on my wedding day in front of the minister of my church. But I found myself looking at a Raleigh divorce site online, and knew that I needed to call for help.
The guy I married seemed like the person of my dreams. That is how he presented himself to me anyway. There were men that I said “no” to in the past when they asked for my hand in marriage because our relationship did not feel like marriage material. There were other men, who I walked away from very early on, long before ever getting to the point of a proposal. I was being careful because of what I had seen so many other friends and family members go through. But I guess I was not careful enough.
I ended up getting married for the first time to my ex-husband after an engagement that lasted one year. Twelve months seemed like a respectable time to really get to know someone, but he hid his true personality from me very well. I tried to ignore it at first, and that was my mistake.
My ex did not tell me that he had a mental illness that he was taking medication for. I loved him very much, and would have married him if he had been up front about it and told me that he was taking his prescription medication with regularity. He did for a very long time, but right before we got married, something changed. He grew angry and said things that scared me. I thought he was simply stressed because of his job that keeps him very busy and our upcoming wedding, so I tried to overlook it. But I soon learned that he stopped taking his medication, refused to begin taking it again and things went downhill. This is when the help of a good attorney became necessary for my safety.
If you’re married and considering divorce, you’re in good company. According to the APA about fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. Here are some questions to consider before calling a divorce lawyer.
1. Have we explored all the options?
Have you considered marriage counseling? Counseling can help couples learn to express emotions, compromise, and keep discussions productive. If you’ve tried therapy and failed remember that therapists offer tools and advice to help couples solve relationship issues, but both parties have to be willing to work hard. If traditional counseling isn’t working or is unaffordable, couples can sometimes find support groups to help with relationship issues. Likewise, many pastors are willing to help free of charge.
2. Is the Marriage or the Climate the Problem?
Many couples feel their relationship just isn’t good anymore. The truth is, life’s struggles don’t just take a toll on us personally; they take a toll on our relationships as well. Sometimes the issues a couple can face such as financial stress, death, and infertility, are incredibly taxing. Mixed with life’s everyday stressors, serious bumps in the road can cause an inhospitable climate for relationships. In the wake of serious issues or even repeated daily stressors, it’s easy for a couple to forget the good in their relationship. It often seems easier to consider divorce than figure out how to fix the problems. However, a good marriage struggling due to solvable issues is often worth salvaging.
3. What About Romance: Do I love them? Is There Someone Else?
While love doesn’t heal all wounds, it’s important to remember that love is often buried under a slush pile of negative emotions rather than completely lost. If there are still any positive emotional feelings left over, it’s possible the romance can be rekindled if the negative emotions are properly managed. Another big reason marriages end is because of infidelity. Before you start preparing for a divorce it’s important to remember that many affairs come from a desire to avoid issues in the marriage you would rather not face. Affairs can also come from hurt or anger rather than a loss of love. Likewise, while no relationship is guaranteed, one that began with an affair may already have issues going in. A couple might be wiser to try improving the relationship they already have.